I’ve been in Austin since Thursday morning. It’s been a good conference so far. It’s hard to come here and not be encouraged. There are a few things that are rolling around in my head. But, so far, there hasn’t been any real significant “aha” kind of moment. I’m alright with that, though. At this point, there’s plenty that I have to work through and think through without adding more for my tiny little brain to process.
Here’s a constant thought/struggle:
The desire for and definition of greatness. I love the influence that I see happening here. Each adult represents a multitude of individual lives. When someone has influence on this kind of level, with youth workers, they have a vast influence on the landscape of student ministry in America and the world.
I’m always thinking about this stuff. Especially at events like this. I have an un-dying desire… It’s almost a whisper, though sometimes it screams. A desire for greatness. It’s awfully ambiguous most of the time. There’s this tinge of dis-content (the healthy kind). I despise the thought of being average, mediocre, or “run of the mill”. But I don’t know exactly what to do with that. I don’t want it to be all about me; that’s certainly the last thing that I want. It’s not about me or my “fame” or renown…but that of the Lords. This tension cannot be overstated…a desire for greatness; or, perhaps more accurately, a desire for the greatness of Christ to be expressed through my life.
I want my life to count. I want to matter. A long time ago, I understood that I was created not to settle, but to soar. When we do so, I believe its unusual and powerfully pleasing worship.
Where do I land? I rest in the comfort of the plan and direction of my Almighty God. I don’t need to struggle for significance or greatness; only to pursue Christ. It’s an active rest though. Trusting in and seeking Christ, living a passionate daily pursuit; yet I continue to attempt to take hold of and grasp this unsettling, ambiguous “whispering scream”.
I do believe that God plants in the hearts of His creation a desire for greatness, a vision for significance, a disdain for the ordinary. For we are invited to join with Him in the redemption of our beautiful, broken, world.